It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”
--------------------------------------------
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60 mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she’s up to ninety mph. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, “Isn’t there anything you want?”
The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”
“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, “The airbag.”
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Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
So, Peter asks the first guy, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“None. I had a perfect marriage.”
Great, says Peter. You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper.
And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.
Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac.
And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.
Okay, says Peter. You get a rusty Ford. Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying.
What’s wrong?
I just saw my wife.
So?
She was riding a skateboard.
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A kid found a new train by his father.
Kid : Train chalata hai, aur har mod per train ko rok ker kehta hai” jis ullu ke patthe ko uterna hai uter jaye”, phir train chalata hai aur wahi karta hai.
Father : Gusse me, kaisi language use kar rahe ho, badtameez, aur train cheen leta hai, aur bache ko mayus dekhker phir de deta hai aur bolta hai aab aisa mat bolna.
Kid : Phir train chalata hai, aur mod aate hei train rok ker bolta hai” jis ullu ke patthe ko uterna hai jaldi uter jaye, pehle hi ek ullu ke patthe ki wajah se train late ho chuki hai”.
-------------------------------------------------------
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Um, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch all the fish?”
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
“I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”
--------------------------------------------
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60 mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she’s up to ninety mph. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, “Isn’t there anything you want?”
The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”
“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, “The airbag.”
-------------------------------------------------------
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
So, Peter asks the first guy, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“None. I had a perfect marriage.”
Great, says Peter. You get to cruise around heaven in a Viper.
And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“Only twice, I think,” says the second guy.
Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac.
And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?
“12 times. Maybe 13,” says the third guy.
Okay, says Peter. You get a rusty Ford. Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Viper crying.
What’s wrong?
I just saw my wife.
So?
She was riding a skateboard.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A kid found a new train by his father.
Kid : Train chalata hai, aur har mod per train ko rok ker kehta hai” jis ullu ke patthe ko uterna hai uter jaye”, phir train chalata hai aur wahi karta hai.
Father : Gusse me, kaisi language use kar rahe ho, badtameez, aur train cheen leta hai, aur bache ko mayus dekhker phir de deta hai aur bolta hai aab aisa mat bolna.
Kid : Phir train chalata hai, aur mod aate hei train rok ker bolta hai” jis ullu ke patthe ko uterna hai jaldi uter jaye, pehle hi ek ullu ke patthe ki wajah se train late ho chuki hai”.
-------------------------------------------------------
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Um, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch all the fish?”
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