jokes and more 3

1. There once was this man who worked in a pickle factory, who had this very great and powerful desire to put his p. in the pickleslicer. This went on for years, and he couldn't stand it, so he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation of his.

He spends a few months with the shrink, and the doc finally gives up and tells the man that since his desire is so powerful to put his p. in the pickle slicer, the only way to get over it was to do it. The man gladly agrees and says he will do it the next day at work ...

The next day he comes home from work about 11 AM. His wife is very worried and asks what happened. He explains to her for the first time the desire he has had to put his p. in the pickle slicer. And then explains that he couldn't take it any more and today he did it.

She gasps and runs over to him,! yanks down his pants and briefs,only to see his member perfectly normal and intact.

She looks back up and says I don't understand ... what happened to the pickle slicer? " I think she got fired too."


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2. Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife ; What's the matter?; Replied he ; The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else.

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3. There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" .....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!"



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4. THE GREAT WALL

A Sardar is travelling to Gwalior by train. In the same compartment is a beautiful Sardarini. They both start talking, and find out that they have a lot in common.
* Both are Single
* Both are going to Gwalior
* Both are School teachers
* Both are starting a new Job at the Scindia School, Gwalior

They seem to hit it off, and decide to be roommates in Gwalior and make a pact
that they would do everything together. So they live in the same house, travel
to school together on the Sardar's scooter, have lunch in the Staff Room
together, return home together. Watch TV, eat dinner share the same bedroom and
... EVEN share the same bed.

The only problem - The Sardarni places a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of the Sardar, who spends many a sleepless night with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the Pillow.

The Sardar's frustration has bui lt up to such an extent that he can take it no more, and seeks solace in Drink. He takes off from school one day leaving the Sardarni on her own - she's quite upset, but makes it home by Auto.

The pact has been broken and she decides not to open the Door for the Sardar when he gets home at about 2 AM - Drunk.

The Sardar knocks on the Door for about 20 minutes and pleads with his roommate to let him in, but she would have none of it. "kitthegaya see" she says from behind the door "sab kuch katthe karan da vaida kita see - aj raat bahar hee sau".

The Sardar replies "jai tu darwaza nahin kholegee, mai deewar jump kar ke andar aa javan ga"

The Sardarni replies "char maheene ho gaye, ek pillow taan tu jump kar nahin sakya - deewar kee jump karegaa"


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5. There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" .....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!"

Laloo Prasad & Microsoft

Laloo Prasad & Microsoft

Laloo Prasad of Bihar sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in
Microsoft Corporation. A few days later he got this reply:-

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks,
Bill Gates"

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party
and when all the guests had come, he said

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aapko jaan kar khusi hogee ki humka Amereeca mein naukri
mil gayee hain."

Everyone was delighted.
Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter
padkar sunaongaa par letter angreeze main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi
main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo prasad-----pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho! our requirement----humko to
zaroorat hai !

Please do not send any further correspondance----ab letter vetter bhej ne
ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.

No phone call ----phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad."

Bill Gates

ENJOI !!!!!!!!!!

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A Sardar went to a hotel had dinner and paid the bill,
went to home and slept.
no jokes still march 2010 work pending get back to work.

Jokes and more 2

A sardar went to a hotel for having dinner,
He had dinner , paid the bill and went home and slept.

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No jokes.. March ending, be serious and get back to work.

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Jokes and more 1

1. Man : How old is your father ?Boy : As old as meMan : How can that be ?Boy : He became a father only when I was born
2. Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue andfrog's leg.Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give themenu card.
3. Teacher: Kumar, your composition on "My Dog" isexactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
4. Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible toteach you anything!Son : That's why I say she's no good!
5. Manager : Sorry,but I can't give u a job. I don'tneed much help.Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm justthe right person in thiscase. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
6. Dad : "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Goand say sorry to her."Son : (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorryyou are stupid.
7. Teacher: "Spell 'WATER',"Girl : "HIJKLMNO."Teacher: "That doesn't spell 'WATER',"Girl : "Yes, it does it's all the letters from 'H to O'."
8. Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote suchmaster pieces?"College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2Bor not 2B."
9. "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have anybrothers or sisters who will be coming to school.""That's nice of her to take such an interest. Whatdid she say when u told her u are the only child?""She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
10. Teacher: "Where were u born?"Student: "Singapore, Sir."Teacher: "Which part?"Student: "All of me, Sir."
11. Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn'tmiss it!"
12. Good news and bad newsPatient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.Patient : What happened?Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and somebad news. Which would you like to hear first?Patient : Well... The bad news first ...Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that wehad to amputate both of them.Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?Doctor : There's a guy in the next ward who made avery good offer on your slippers.
13. Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?Dentist : 90.00.Patient : 90.00 for just a few minutes work???Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
14. Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"Student : "No comb, Sir."Teacher : "Use your dad's then."Student : "No hair, Sir."
15. A boy come home from school with his exam results."What did u get?" asked his father."My marks are under water," said the boy. "What dou mean 'under water'?""They are all below 'C'(sea) level"
16. Girl : Do you love me ?Boy : Yes Dear, Girl : Would you die for me ?Boy : No, mine is undying love
17. Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs? Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.
18. Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?Customer : No, I can't.Waiter : Then does it really matter?
19. Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.Waiter : Yes Sir,they are not very good swimmers.
20. Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.Waiter : That's all right,Sir, he won't drink much.
21. Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in mysoup.Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call alifeguard.
22. Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly inmy tea cup?Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not afortune teller.
23. Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?
24. Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?Father : No. Why do you ask that?Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
25. Lady : Is this my train?Station Master : No, it belongs to the RailwayCompany.Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take thistrain to Kuala Lumpur.Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's tooheavy.
26. Peter : What a pair of strange socks you arewearing,one is green and one is blue with red spots!Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I' ve got anotherpair of the same at home.
27. Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playingfootball and the game went into extra time.
28. Wife : Do you want dinner?Husband : Sure, what are my choices?Wife : Yes and no.
29. First Guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!"Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive.
30. " The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure," repliedher lover "What's your phone number?"
31. A drunkard was brought to court. Just before thetrial there was a commotion in the gallery.The judge pounded thegravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." Thedrunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda
32. An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. 'Mytrouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgettingthings.''How long has this been going on?' askedthe psychiatrist. 'How long has what been going on?'said the man.
33. 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump outof the window!2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.1st thief : Hurry! this is no time forsuperstitions.
34. Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How? Student : Ladies first.
35. Little Susie came running into the house afterschoolone day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 inschool today!" "That'sgreat, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in to theliving room andtell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "Igot 50 in spelling,30 in Maths and 20 in Science.

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Jokes and More

1. A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever.The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
2. A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex ? He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone
3. Baat U.P. ki hai ... !!! A guy from Uttar Pradesh (UP) was away for his family for about 4 yrs while his wife was in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 yrs he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this happy happened when he had notsee his wife for four yrs... The man said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of thewife (good Samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked him, What name willyou give to the Son?" The man explained, if its the second neighbour who has taken care, the name would be DWIVEDI; if its the third neighbour the it would be TRIVEDI; if its the fourth the it would be CHATURVEDI;if its the fifth neighbour the it would be PANDEY [Pandav].... After listening to this, questions followed.What if it is a mixture of neighbours? Then the boy would be named MISHRA... And if the wife is to shy to tell the name of the neighbour?Then it would be SHARMA... But what if she refuse to divulge the name of the neighbour?Then the name of the child would be GUPTA... If she does not remember the name then? Its is YAAD-AV... But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?Then it will be named DOSHI... Finally, if the child happend because of wife's burning desire for sex?Then he will be named JOSHI... And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival? DESHPANDEY!!!
4. A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, companytraining session. Her husband drives her to the airport andwishes her to have a good trip.The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would youlike me to bring for you?The husband laughs and says: An English girl !!!The woman kept quiet and left.Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport andasks: So, honey, how was the trip?Very good, thank you.And, what happened to my present?Which present?what I asked for, the English girl?Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have towait a few months to see if its a girl !!!
5. An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfectwoman, so they could produce children beyond comparison.With that he began his mission to find the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want." The man dated the first daughter.The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion."Well" said the man, "She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, pigeon-toed."The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.The man went out with the second daughter.The next day, the farmer again asked how things went."Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl tosee if things might be better.The morning after the man dated the third daughter, the man rushed inexclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"They were married right away. Months later, the had a baby. When the manvisited nursery, he was horrified. The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you canimagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents."Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant, when you met her.

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