Jokes and More

1. A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever.The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
2. A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex ? He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone
3. Baat U.P. ki hai ... !!! A guy from Uttar Pradesh (UP) was away for his family for about 4 yrs while his wife was in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 yrs he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this happy happened when he had notsee his wife for four yrs... The man said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of thewife (good Samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked him, What name willyou give to the Son?" The man explained, if its the second neighbour who has taken care, the name would be DWIVEDI; if its the third neighbour the it would be TRIVEDI; if its the fourth the it would be CHATURVEDI;if its the fifth neighbour the it would be PANDEY [Pandav].... After listening to this, questions followed.What if it is a mixture of neighbours? Then the boy would be named MISHRA... And if the wife is to shy to tell the name of the neighbour?Then it would be SHARMA... But what if she refuse to divulge the name of the neighbour?Then the name of the child would be GUPTA... If she does not remember the name then? Its is YAAD-AV... But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?Then it will be named DOSHI... Finally, if the child happend because of wife's burning desire for sex?Then he will be named JOSHI... And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival? DESHPANDEY!!!
4. A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, companytraining session. Her husband drives her to the airport andwishes her to have a good trip.The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would youlike me to bring for you?The husband laughs and says: An English girl !!!The woman kept quiet and left.Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport andasks: So, honey, how was the trip?Very good, thank you.And, what happened to my present?Which present?what I asked for, the English girl?Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have towait a few months to see if its a girl !!!
5. An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfectwoman, so they could produce children beyond comparison.With that he began his mission to find the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want." The man dated the first daughter.The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion."Well" said the man, "She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, pigeon-toed."The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.The man went out with the second daughter.The next day, the farmer again asked how things went."Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl tosee if things might be better.The morning after the man dated the third daughter, the man rushed inexclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"They were married right away. Months later, the had a baby. When the manvisited nursery, he was horrified. The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you canimagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents."Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant, when you met her.

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